The following fictional scenario is one of our favourite examples of what happens when a translator does not overcome the urge to "correct" the original text.

Translation: a mirror of the original

Some of you will already be aware that, as of last year's Annual Meeting, a new slate of directors was elected. Four of them are bilingual but prefer French, one has verbal skills in English only, two are bilingual but prefer English, and the remainder are unilingual English. Some read both versions of bilingual texts when the subject matter is of particular interest to them.

My last Quarterly Report to the Board of Directors has caused more than a little embarrassment to the company and to myself personally because of the stupidity of a now former translator on our staff. As the individual in question found out, this I do not tolerate.

For reasons that I will not allow my employees to question, I couch my Reports to the Board in my very own style. I weigh with a great deal of care not only what I say but how I say it.
I would like to assure even the most erudite (and the most pedantic) among you that I did not buy my Ph.D. in English from Woolco; I earned it from Oxford University. I am therefore quite capable not only of saying exactly what I mean, but of saying it in precisely the style I choose.

Let's get back to the subject at hand, translations in this organization. Henceforth, translations in this organization will be a mirror of the original, not an approximation, interpretation, adaptation, elevation, correction or any other "anythingtion."
Let me be specific.

If I, or anyone else in this organization, calls someone a bastard in English, I don't want the translator to soften this to "enfant illégitime" in French: use the word "bâtard" and let me carry the can for not being nice. I assure you that this will be easier for me than finding another job will be for the translator who presumes to correct my manners.

In my last Report to the Board, I mentioned that one of our Vice-Presidents had been the guest speaker at the "Yale commencement" last spring. Our translator saw fit to explain in his French text that this was "la cérémonie de clôture de l'année scolaire de l'Université Yale." Given that one of our directors is the dean of engineering in a Québec university, the insult was not appreciated. For God's sake, when I talk about Yale without mentioning the word university, take my word for it, I know what I'm doing: don't add the word university in your French text because some of your little friends in Chicoutimi or Rimouski may not know that Yale is a University. And, unless I'm mistaken, the French word "collation" means the same thing as the English "commencement": use it! And don't worry about some of your friends not knowing whether you are talking about an afternoon snack anymore than I give a damn about the idiots who will think that I'm referring to the beginning of Yale.

I would also point out that "last December" means "décembre dernier" not "la fin de l'année dernière" (I'm quite capable of saying the end of the past year if I choose), that "last January 11" is "le 11 janvier dernier" not "11 janvier dernier," that "seven million dollars" is "sept millions de dollars" not "7 000 000 $." Speaking of numbers, I could not care less whether you use a period or a comma to indicate the decimal; but don't forget the damned decimal. There is a difference between a $54,744.56 Lexus and "une Lexus de 5 474 456 $." The numbers may be the same, and in this case the directors may have laughed at the price of my car, but the two texts don't say the same thing at all.

What I found insufferable about the whole exercise was that the translator embellished my text for the French readers, adding considerably to the length and taking all the punch out of it. When my assistant pointed this out, he had the unmitigated gall to say that French is a more elegant and ceremonial language than English. In his dreams! If I hadn't fired him already, I might make him spend a week at the court of Queen Elizabeth and the following week on the floor of the French stock exchange in Paris. This would give him a taste of ceremonial English and of concise business French.

In summary, when this organization sends a text to translation, ensure that the language expert who does the job is aware that we want a mirror image of the original, not a demonstration of his linguistic prowess or his terminological erudition. If I see one more example of this kind of pedantic behaviour, I will not only fire the translator, I'll fire the entire department and get our translations done on contract by somebody who knows both languages enough to act as a link between both.